Friday, September 23, 2011

CHERCHEZ LA FEMME

Hallelujah! The producers of  Follies announced that they extending the run for a few weeks until January 22, 2011.   
Bernadette Peters & Jan Maxwell
by Sara Krulwich/The New York Times

This photo of  Bernadette Peters as Sally and Jan Maxwell as Phyllis made me think of another Sondheim favorite - Anyone Can Whistle and the my much beloved song "There's Always a Woman."  

Unfortunately, in the recent City Center Encores! production of Anyone Can Whistle, this song didn't make the cut - it's not even on the original cast album of with Angela Lansbury and Lee Remick.  Fortunately, it is on the concert album with Bernadette Peters and the late great Madeline Kahn.   The only time I've heard it live was by Jan Maxwell and Victoria Clark at Opening Doors, the Sondheim revue at Zankel Hall in 2004 - the performance that sealed the deal for me that Jan Maxwell is one of the greats. 

I see "Sally" as "Fay" and "Phyllis" as "Cora."   Sally and Phyllis have a history of course - castmates in the Weisman Follies, roommates in a little walkup apartment on the east side, and doubledates with Ben and Buddy.  Time has passed, memories are misty and it's not all fun and games now.  

There's Always a Woman:
CORA:
Cherchez la femme.
There's always a woman
To spoil the illusion,
The rotten banana
That ruins the bunch.
There's always a woman
Who causes confusion.
There's nothing as low as a woman.
We must lunch.

FAY:
Love to.

CORA:
Noonish?

FAY:
Tomorrow.

CORA:
Today.

FAY:
My place?

CORA:
Mine.

FAY:
There's always a woman,
The one disappointment.
The note that goes sour
And gums up the tune,
The ant at the picnic,
The fly in the ointment.
There's nothing so slow as a woman.
Ring me soon!

CORA:
Love to.

FAY:
'Voir.

CORA:
Leaving?

FAY:
I thought...

CORA:
I know.

FAY:
I tried.

BOTH:
It's always a woman,
The counterfeit check,

FAY:
The snake in the woodpile,

CORA:
The pain in the neck.

BOTH:
The sand in the oyster
That isn't a pearl.
There's nothing as low as a woman...
Darling girl.

CORA:
Pet!

FAY:
Lamb!

CORA:
Dove!

FAY:
Fish.

CORA:
The run in the stocking,
The snag in the zipper,
The weather in London,
The water in France.
It's always a woman.
It's Jacqueline the Ripper.
There's nothing as low as a woman.
Shall we dance?

FAY:
Waltz?

CORA:
Rhumba?

FAY:
Cancan?

CORA:
Tango?

FAY:
Schottische?

CORA:
Gavotte?

FAY:
Cha-cha?

CORA:
Tap?

FAY:
Bolero?

CORA:
Polka?

FAY:
Bridge?

CORA:
Two hearts.

FAY:
Three clubs.

CORA:
I pass.

FAY:
There's always a woman,
A crimp in the writing,
The hole in the sidewalk,
The gum on the shoe.
She almost looks human-
It must be the lighting.
Whatever it is, it's a woman.
How are you?

CORA:
Fine.

FAY:
Pity.

BOTH:
It's always a woman,

FAY:
The hand in the hill,

CORA:
The five dollar diamond,

FAY:
the three-dollar bill.

BOTH:
A genius for trickery
That's second to none.
There's nothing as low as a woman.
Isn't this fun?

CORA:
Lovely.

FAY:
Charming.

CORA:
Delicious.

FAY:
Stunning.

CORA:
Fabulous.

FAY:
Gorgeous.

BOTH:
Exquisite.

CORA, FAY (Alternately):
A knife would be perfect-
A gun would be perfect-
It's quick and it's quiet.
At least I could try it.
I hear they do wonders
And you can do wonders
With poisonous gas.
With silvers of glass,
There's always the quarry-
There's always curare-
She'd never be found.
I have some around.
A noose is efficient-
Bamboo is efficient-
She won't make a sound.
As long as it's ground.
Whatever will do it,
Whatever will do it,
If anything will.
If anything will.

BOTH:
There's nothing as low as a woman.

CORA:
Sneak.

FAY:
Thief.

CORA:
Cheat.

FAY:
Crook.

CORA:
Frump.

FAY:
Fake.

CORA:
Bore.

FAY:
Bag.

CORA:
Leech.

FAY:
Crone.

CORA:
Witch.

FAY:
Ghoul.

BOTH:
Police!
Shoot to kill!

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